National Council for the Social Studies Community Network
I do not think "classroom management" can erode classroom communities. It is our job as educators to manage these communities effectively and not give the students complete control of the classroom. Maybe "classroom management" can erode some relationships with students, but at the end of the day we are not in school to be thier friends. We are professionals and nothing more.
In regards to your examples of the two classrooms you were in, I think the problem is more of lack of educational diversity. Perhaps the teacher has implemented to strict of a routine, and the students have become bored and passive. Instead having various types of learning activities might make this class less of a drag and more engaging. The second classroom however, how much learning do you think was really taking place in that environment? Just because a student says it is their "favorite" does not mean that it is the best for them to learn. My favorite class in high school was Creative Writing, because we watched movies all day and got to skip class regularly...do you think I learned a thing about writing...?
I think you are on the right track with being mindful of teacher-student relationships. However, these need to be blended with meaningful content. You are not the guidance counselors, nor their friend, so diffusing anger and becoming friends with the students is not neccessary.